I see articles floating around Facebook often of mom's who are bearing it all. Writing about their fears and weaknesses and well, pure humanness. And I see myself. We are coming up on our one year memory of the day we found out we were expecting. From that day until this day and for every day to come, life has changed. Not only did I have another human being to think about - but so did every other person in this world. Yes, you heard me and you all know what I'm talking about. We all have our opinions and we think everyone wants needs to hear them. I've heard it all during my pregnancy and now motherhood. What I should or shouldn't be doing. But guess what, we are our own worst enemy. I have voices running through my head daily of how to handle Seth, both from people I know and love and people I don't - but none of them are louder than my own.
Sometimes I rock my sweet boy to sleep and as I stare at his innocent face I actually hear myself think, "You shouldn't have done that. You need to go lay him down. Because look at your messy house and heaven forbid you will spoil him rotten by holding him while he sleeps."
Some days nursing goes horribly and I drag myself to get a bottle out of the basket and defrost a bag of milk. What could I be doing wrong to have caused this?
Some days he doesn't nap the way he is supposed to I think he should.
He's 3 months old and I feel like I shouldn't look pregnant anymore. But some days I feel like I do.
I know think you are all watching and judging me.
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But the truth is - I'm a mom. I'm a mom who sometimes needs those nap time snuggles just as much as he does. And that's okay. There's always tomorrow. I'm a mom who sometimes has to give my son a bottle instead of fighting through an hour of nursing. And that's okay. There's always tomorrow. I'm a mom who sometimes watches her son take a 2+ hour nap and sometimes take a 30 minute one. And that's okay. There's always tomorrow. I'm a mom who sometimes needs that
second third fourth s'more. And that's okay. There's always tomorrow.
I'm a mom who is learning. The Lord has used becoming a Mom to teach me and stretch me and grow me. I can already see a difference in just these 3 months, but I know I have a long way to go as well. Which is kind of scary, but kind of exciting. I know the road won't be easy, but it'll make me the best Mom I can be to this sweet boy.