My Mom

I mentioned a few posts ago how being a Momma is hard sometimes. Their sweet faces, cuddles and kisses sure make everything yucky in the world melt away, but sometimes the struggle to get through a moment or a day can be burdensome! I have had a lot going on lately. Whether being related to Jeremy's work and college load, Seth's therapy sessions, keeping up with the housework, Mom life in general or my own personal things that the Lord is working on - it's just been a lot! 

I can NOT - let me make sure I stress that...

CAN NOT

thank my Mom enough for all of the unloading she has listened to and all of the wonderful advice she has given me. Being far away from her is not an easy thing, but it certainly doesn't effect the amazing way that she "Mothers" me. 

I love you, Mom <3 

6 months

I remember starting out every monthly blog post of Seth's saying how I couldn't believe that much time had gone by. Y'all - it goes even faster with the second one! When I think about the fact that it is already almost November it blows my mind. Where has the year gone? Before I know it the holidays will be over, we will be celebrating the start of 2018 and I'll be planning a first birthday party! 

He loves to blow bubbles/raspberries. It's super fun when he does this while eating his food or drinking a bottle! He is learning how his hands and arms work and constantly smacks you when you're holding him - this too is very fun when it's nursing time hahaha He is eating 3 meals a day and nursing 4 times a day. He is still getting up once in the night typically. Every once in a while he will go the full stretch, but most of the time he wants a snack between 3-5am. But, I can't complain since he is going to bed at 7:30pm with his brother! It's very nice for Jeremy and I to have our nights back together. We just starting introducing some textures because he always acts like he is chewing when I put food in his mouth. So I have been mashing his food instead of pureeing it to leave some small chunks. He is obsessed with his brother and Dada. When Jeremy is home and it's time to eat, it takes 10x longer because he constantly flops over to see if Jeremy is there and makes sure he is looking at him. He is sitting somewhat unassisted for small periods of time. When I lay him on his back to play he immediately rolls to his belly and when I lay him on his belly to go to sleep he immediately rolls to his back. Little stink! We had our first "stranger danger" moment at his well check the other day when I was holding him. He kept laying his head in the pocket of my neck, something he only does when he is milk drunk! He weighed in at 17 pounds!!! (was 13) and he is 26 inches long (was 24). She said he is hitting all of his developmental marks as he should be and that everything looks great! I'm expecting to see a tooth any day. And then after a week of Dada coming home and asking if he crawled while he was at work, he did this Friday evening for him.....

Not sure if we can really call it crawling, but he's mobile anyways! 

Life is a roller coaster with my boys, no day the same, 

but a ride I never want to get off of!

My first Mom project!

It is in no way perfect, but I know a certain little paw-patrol obsessed boy that won't see anything but, well.....PAW PATROL!

I think we have decided to tuck it away until we transition him to a big boy bed and have that be his special big boy bed blanket! 

Crafting

I have been in a crafty mood lately! I just finished up Christmas gift for great-grandparents and then got to work on this beauty! Thanks to my sister-in-law, I snagged two scrabble games at a garage sale for $0.50 each and I've been working on the perfect  project for some of them! 

I absolutely love how it turned out and I'm glad I added the white frame to make it 'pop' a little bit more! 

It doesn't feel like it.....

...but it's Fall (although this week is supposed to have some beautiful days and I pray it sticks around)

Seth had a long week of a mysterious rash (can I get an amen for how annoying rashes are that pop up with no other symptoms), an ant attack and ingrown toenails so our perfect family day adventure didn't quite go as planned, but we all enjoyed a little fresh air.

 

 

 

 

This is what he does when I ask him to say "Cheese"...

 

 

 

He was very disappointed that there were no gorillas, elephants, giraffes or monkeys - but he loved touching all the pumpkins, the train, hayride and the animals they did have!

Seth Kyle

I've had this blog titled for the past two weeks and I've been starring at the blank page for a few days trying to find the right words to put down.

To all the moms out there reading this, you know what it's like. From the moment you pee on the stick, your world changes forever. Suddenly everyone around you is entitled to having an opinion about...

whether you drink caffeine
what kind of things you need to buy for your baby
what kinds of things you should never buy for your baby
what hospital you should deliver at
how dare you deliver at a hospital
whether you had a natural delivery
whether you vaccinate
whether you cloth diaper
whether you breastfeed
whether you co-sleep
whether you cry it out

.....okay, I think you all get it.

All of that blew me away when we first announced we were expecting Seth. I never knew it would happen and I think I assumed it would stop once he was born. Then I thought maybe it would stop once he turned ____. Little did I know it was never going to stop and although you try to be a confident parent and make all the choices that you think are best for your family and your child, those voices can be nasty little demons inside of you. Well, my sweet angel turned 2 in July and I continued to hear those voices...

when is he going to sleep in a big boy bed
when is he going to lose the paccy
when is he going to be potty trained
when is he going to start talking

Y'all. Being a Momma is H.A.R.D. It's physically exhausting but I think the mental and emotional part of it takes a much bigger toll on me.

For those of you that know my little family and have met my boys, you've heard the language Seth has. If you haven't, let me fill you in - he hums. Sure he has a few words that he uses, most of which Jeremy and I can only interpret, but for the most part, he hums his conversations. Of course, we didn't think much of it for the longest time. He turned 2 and everyone (including his pediatrician) told us that in the next few months he would really take off and one day the gates would just open. Well, the days and weeks went by and the frustration and sadness inside me grew. It was hard to be at home with him all day, especially with a newborn and not be able to communicate well with him. Our days were filled with fits because I didn't know what he wanted and he didn't understand why.

I've cried countless times over the past 6 weeks as we thought, prayed and tried to make the best decision we could for our boy. Part of me didn't want to admit that he might need help. Part of me feared what people would think of me. (I know how incredibly selfish that sounds) Had I failed him as a Mom? There's those voices again. But, I wanted to protect him. Many people told us to take him to get evaluated to just see what they say, many people told us to wait. But I wanted want so much more for him. I want his world to open up and be so much bigger than it is. The way that it will when we can communicate with each other. The way that it will when I don't have to pretend I know what he is saying and try to just go along with it. Oh how I love his imagination and spirit.

I just want more for him.

So, to fill in everyone who doesn't know, he has been in speech therapy for 3 weeks now. It's going really well on their end. He loves his therapist and cries most of the time when we have to leave. She gets through to him and he does/says most of what she asks of him. We aren't having as much success at home, but for all the parents reading this - you know your child does things for other people that make your chin hit the floor. This Momma has never been good with patience, so you can add that to your prayer list if you would. Pray for our finances. Somehow insurance companies decided it was their right to say that children should not get therapy before they turn 3, so because we don't want to wait that long we have to pay for his weekly sessions out of pocket. Every week we've had what we needed, one way or another. God has always been good like that to us. Pray for Seth. I don't want this to be a long process that will follow him through life. And thank you, in advance, for the love and support I know we will receive through this journey.

Facebook memories.....

Sometimes those Facebook memories can really take you by surprise!

The other day I got on facebook and saw my daily reminder that I had memories to look back on. As I was scrolling through them I saw one from 7 years ago. I had just interviewed with Crouse Hospital in Syracuse and was sold on becoming a new member of their team. This of course, was all hanging by the thread of my NCLEX test results. Oye - I cringed just writing those 5 letters. That silly test caused me some of the worst anxiety I have felt in the two years my life (somewhat, kind of literally) revolved around it.

It's really, really crazy to look back and think about what I thought life was supposed to look like. What I was supposed to be, where I was supposed to go. Sometimes I wonder why God even allowed me to go through college. What was the point of those 3 years? Sometimes I feel like it was a giant waste of money. But, I know I learned a lot. I know God grew me. I didn't necessarily learn or grow in those 3 years specifically, but the giant (and I mean giant) lessons that He sent me through surely made me who I am today.

I have been struggling lately. I look at the world we live in and it breaks my heart. There are many times a day when I actually take the time to pay attention to the news (something I try not to do often) that I get chills and tears come to my eyes. I can't imagine the hurt. The loss. The anger. The pain. I don't know what's come of the world that we live in but I know there's only one thing I can do about it.

I bet you all thought I was going to say that I need to make a facebook post about it, right? : ) (I know this sounds like a serious post but it's okay, you can laugh at that one). I need to pray. We need to pray. We need to pray for those hurting, both the innocent and the guilty. We need to pray for our children. Our innocent children that don't even know what hatred lies around them. Pray for them to grow to love and show kindness, even when it isn't earned.

I know there are many out there, possibly even reading this now that don't believe in God. I pray for you, too and I don't want you to take that as an insult because "my way is better than yours". I pray for you because I can't imagine what it must feel like to live in the world we live in without having a God to hold onto. He gives me strength on the days I simply can't do it. Those days I don't want to be an adult anymore. Now if I'm honest, of course I need Him every day. But it's not every day that I like to admit it.

Now let me try to tie this all in together. At the end of the day, I don't know when my time will be up. Dare I say I don't know when my babies' time will be up. So until the day we are called home, I am incredibly thankful that each and every circumstance was against me when I sat for my nursing boards. Because if I had passed. If I had gone to work at Crouse. I don't think I would have ever married my husband and that means I wouldn't be a Momma to these boys. And guys - life would be empty. No matter how great I thought my job was.

Our September

We've had some beautiful weather!

Which means fun with friends!

Paw patrol continues to get new homes.....

Sleepy sweetness.....

 Can you find the baby? 

Is there such thing as too much love?

He thought as long as he put shoes on
that he should be allowed in the garage.....

Apparently our couch isn't good enough for him.....

He wanted to be a big boy one night.....

  

Just doing some driving.....

(I couldn't pick my favorite - also, don't panic, 

we are parked in the driveway lol) 

My heart is full!