Seth Kyle

I've had this blog titled for the past two weeks and I've been starring at the blank page for a few days trying to find the right words to put down.

To all the moms out there reading this, you know what it's like. From the moment you pee on the stick, your world changes forever. Suddenly everyone around you is entitled to having an opinion about...

whether you drink caffeine
what kind of things you need to buy for your baby
what kinds of things you should never buy for your baby
what hospital you should deliver at
how dare you deliver at a hospital
whether you had a natural delivery
whether you vaccinate
whether you cloth diaper
whether you breastfeed
whether you co-sleep
whether you cry it out

.....okay, I think you all get it.

All of that blew me away when we first announced we were expecting Seth. I never knew it would happen and I think I assumed it would stop once he was born. Then I thought maybe it would stop once he turned ____. Little did I know it was never going to stop and although you try to be a confident parent and make all the choices that you think are best for your family and your child, those voices can be nasty little demons inside of you. Well, my sweet angel turned 2 in July and I continued to hear those voices...

when is he going to sleep in a big boy bed
when is he going to lose the paccy
when is he going to be potty trained
when is he going to start talking

Y'all. Being a Momma is H.A.R.D. It's physically exhausting but I think the mental and emotional part of it takes a much bigger toll on me.

For those of you that know my little family and have met my boys, you've heard the language Seth has. If you haven't, let me fill you in - he hums. Sure he has a few words that he uses, most of which Jeremy and I can only interpret, but for the most part, he hums his conversations. Of course, we didn't think much of it for the longest time. He turned 2 and everyone (including his pediatrician) told us that in the next few months he would really take off and one day the gates would just open. Well, the days and weeks went by and the frustration and sadness inside me grew. It was hard to be at home with him all day, especially with a newborn and not be able to communicate well with him. Our days were filled with fits because I didn't know what he wanted and he didn't understand why.

I've cried countless times over the past 6 weeks as we thought, prayed and tried to make the best decision we could for our boy. Part of me didn't want to admit that he might need help. Part of me feared what people would think of me. (I know how incredibly selfish that sounds) Had I failed him as a Mom? There's those voices again. But, I wanted to protect him. Many people told us to take him to get evaluated to just see what they say, many people told us to wait. But I wanted want so much more for him. I want his world to open up and be so much bigger than it is. The way that it will when we can communicate with each other. The way that it will when I don't have to pretend I know what he is saying and try to just go along with it. Oh how I love his imagination and spirit.

I just want more for him.

So, to fill in everyone who doesn't know, he has been in speech therapy for 3 weeks now. It's going really well on their end. He loves his therapist and cries most of the time when we have to leave. She gets through to him and he does/says most of what she asks of him. We aren't having as much success at home, but for all the parents reading this - you know your child does things for other people that make your chin hit the floor. This Momma has never been good with patience, so you can add that to your prayer list if you would. Pray for our finances. Somehow insurance companies decided it was their right to say that children should not get therapy before they turn 3, so because we don't want to wait that long we have to pay for his weekly sessions out of pocket. Every week we've had what we needed, one way or another. God has always been good like that to us. Pray for Seth. I don't want this to be a long process that will follow him through life. And thank you, in advance, for the love and support I know we will receive through this journey.