Confessions

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12: 1-2

I have a confession to make. 

That "sin which so easily ensnares" me.....worry.

A lot of people say that I look just like my mother and while neither her nor I can see that, I will admit that I am a lot like her. Some things are good, some things i'm proud of - but one thing's for sure - I worry like her. Maybe not quite as much or as deeply since she has more experience than me, but I see it in my Grandpa, I see it in her, and Lord knows I see it in myself. Maybe that's a good thing. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem, right?

What do I worry about you ask? 

Well, I can probably worry about anything at all if I really let myself, but in all honesty, I really only have one subject that can break me down and suck me into this deep dark pit of worry for days. 

Money. 

That lovely little thing that we can't live with out. 

I don't know about you, but I hate it. Literally hate it. Especially the part about not being able to live without it!

Unfortunately, since I have been paying bills for a very long time now and since my husband is off working hard every day, I get to be the lucky person who takes care of our finances. 

This probably isn't the best job for me. 

Why?

Because then I know. I know how much money we have, or rather don't have. I know that even when payday rolls around, it won't last for long. I know that we still need to get food and have money left for gas for the next two weeks. 

I have had the same exact worry for years.

The difference? 

The difference between now and then are 2 things. 

#1) I have a fantastic man by my side. The Lord really does know what He's doing doesn't He? The day that Jeremy and I got married changed both of our lives forever, but no one can really tell you all of the little, minute ways that things will change. I now have a man by my side that I can talk to about my worries and concerns. I have a man by my side that tells me that everything will be okay. I have a man by my side that calms my fears. I have a man by my side that helps me think of the logic and reality. I have a man by my side that gets the crazy parts of me. I have a man by my side that is understanding. I have a man by my side that loves me.

#2) I have a wonderful church and gifted preacher that no matter what mood I am in or what I am going through, I hear exactly what I need to hear that Sunday morning. I am reminded of truth that pierces through my heart and knocks me upside the head as God whispers, "Do you get it, yet"? Yesterday I was shown that yes, I am a Christian and yes, I do have the Lord in my life - but when it comes to certain things, like worrying about finances, I am the one who is sitting on the throne in my life. I was reminded that no matter what I am facing, He should be the One on the throne and that I need to surrender everything in my life to Him. Do I really think that there are things that I may face that I can handle better than He? HA!

You see, there is one thing that hasn't changed between my worry's now and my worry's years ago. God.

God hasn't changed. 

It doesn't matter if it's 3 years ago, today, tomorrow or 10 years down the road. I am still going to have the same God. The same God who has shown me time and time again that He is never going to leave me. He is never going to fail me. And although He may put me through trials, He will never put me through something that I can not come out of - with His help. 

 

Thank you Lord, for the changes you have made in my life

& that You will never change.